today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
