i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
