Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
