My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would ride that face into the sunset
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
