Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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