He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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