the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
