Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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