oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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