Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
