new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
