So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
