If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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