How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize