Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am mentally ready for anal.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
