I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
