He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
