you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
