Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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