dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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