god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
