If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
