I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
