I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
