Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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