Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dear god my vagina.
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