If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
