he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
