I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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