Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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