the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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