never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
