it's like heaven, but drunker
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His nipple licking is glorious
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