He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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