My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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