You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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