My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
