the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
