Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
