I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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