Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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