just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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