I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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