Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
