in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
