...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
