i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
organizing the empties. That sober.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize