remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
