you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
