it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
