i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
