Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize