oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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