Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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