When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
