Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
