He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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