I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
