i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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