It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
