I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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