Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
