..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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