I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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