How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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