do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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