I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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