i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
