I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
