his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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