You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
