Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
