Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
