whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
