fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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