Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
