I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
