Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
