When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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