I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
