Yo dont text me then not text me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
