She is in my trunk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize