Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
