new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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