Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
