17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
