I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
