my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Couch. On fire.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
