My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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