Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
50% drunk capacity currently
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
