Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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