The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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