she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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