my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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