Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
