My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
