do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize