Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
