Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
