I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
