So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
