The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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