Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
