you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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