i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
