Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
