Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
